End Of The Story

Who am I?
Good question.
I’ve been wondering the same thing for a while now.
I recently spent some time talking to a counselor (I know….shocking!)
My thoughts were haunted by her seemingly simple questions – “What is it that you like? What do you like to do?” I honestly had no answer. Several years of turmoil and tragedy had robbed me of my very being. I lost ME. I have no idea when I last considered what I like, what inspires me, what I want to be. I allowed myself to believe an old lie; one that I thought was buried. It is the untruth that tells me that I am not loveable; that I do not deserve happiness; that if I could just be/look/act better, then I might be loved; then I might be worthy of living an actual life of substance and escape an apparently fruitless existence.
The truth of the matter is that there is a God who calls me His precious daughter.
The truth is that I have a husband who loves me,
children who trust me,
parents who encourage me,
sisters who laugh and cry with me through it all.

So far, here is what I remember about myself:

I love
my family
the ocean
reading fiction
teaching
autumn
the library
staying up until the wee hours
marching bands
coffee
cats
New York City

I don’t love
living so far from my family
feeling invisible
tea parties for grown women
cold weather
hot flashes
bigotry
forgetting what I was going to say
clutter
talk radio
peas
the History Channel

I’ll try to stay in touch while the rest of my story is being written.

P.S. “The end of the story” is a quote from “Nanny McPhee”, a children’s movie that I love. The nanny has come to care for the Brown children. Their scullery maid, Evangeline, has been attempting to learn to read, in order to become what she considers a more suitable match for the man she loves. Nanny McPhee asks her how the reading is coming along and she replies that it’s going well but she hasn’t gotten to the end of the story. “No need”, Nanny McPhee says, “You are the end of the story.” Ahhhh…..